Today My Daughter Watched Me Cry

It was brief, but it still happened. Today my daughter watched me cry. I could feel hot tears stinging my eyes. I looked down, and stared at my cute baby. Nope, nothing was going to stem this tide. I looked up and glanced at my toddler. She could sense something was wrong. She cocked her head to one side, and held up the binky she had just dipped in yogurt. It was almost as if she was trying to offer it to me.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I sobbed and tears flooded from my eyes. The faster I tried to wipe them away, the harder I sobbed and more tears came. I buried my face in my shirt. I am a crier. Anyone that knows me has probably seen me cry. I cry when I feel. It doesn’t matter if I am happy or sad, overcome by the Spirit, or just overwhelmed by life, I experience emotions on a deep level. Today, I felt overwhelmed, and I cried.

My daughter was still holding up her binky for me, so I stood up and grabbed it with tears still streaming down my face. She said “oh no mama, hands!” She wanted me to clean up the yogurt mess she had just made. My sobs had reduced to sniffles, but the tears kept flowing. I cleaned up, lifted her out of the seat, and sat on the couch with her in my lap.

She watched my face with a concerned look, popped the binky back out of her mouth, and gave me a kiss. I gave her a weak smile, and looked into her eyes. In them I saw so much unconditional love. She smiled, poked my nose, and shouted “BOOP!” giggling as a wild grin spread across her face. She shouted “BOOP” again as she pointed to her brother. This time we both laughed, and I dried my tears.

Five minutes. Who taught her to have such compassion? She’s not even two, so I hope it was me. It took her five minutes, and only a handful of words, to so eloquently remind me of why I’m here and who I am here for. She yawned and I realized it was nap time. I carried her upstairs, lay her in her crib, and tucked her in. As I backed away from the crib, I whispered our customary, “night night, I love you, te amo.” I shut the door and thought, I know I’m supposed to have a tough backbone for these kids, but one day, I’ll tell them all about how they fortified me with love. I stood a little straighter, and smiled all the way back to baby. ❤

~Pe

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